almost a grown-up

seventeen years old,
guess that makes me almost a grown-up.
i'm paying for my own gas, pumping it all by myself
making the occasional new friend, beginning conversations
getting accepted to a college
only one year left.

deep breath.

i look back atwho i am –
i would say i'm different,
i would say i'm better than where i started,
i would say i've changed so much,
i would.

but the fact remains:
i am the same
person.

i am
the sophomore who wears sweats to school,
the flag that doesn't fit in with the rest of the guard,
the hapless victim of a manipulative best friend.

i am
the fangirl browsing tumblr into the wee hours of the morning,
the new owner of a learner's permit, terrified of the road,
the rookie photographer, amazed that she's able to capture such beauty.

i am
the one that's good at drawing,
the unsure ambivert,
the self-confident, chubby teenage girl.

i am
strong,
scared,
talented,
anxious,
kind,
emotional,
witty,
naive
i am beautiful

those years are in the past, untouchable, preserved,
their memories locked safely away in filing cabinets of joy, regret, love, and pain
but they are not forgotten.
they are not wasted.
i would not exchange the last 1,095 days for anything in this world
because they have created a person
i can be proud of.

i am
my mistakes,
my triumphs,
my doubts,
my successes,
my flaws,
my strengths.

i'm almost a grown-up, but i will never stop growing.